Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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