So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
