What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
