whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
