So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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