Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
