Umm I'm too high to move.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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