Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
