I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
