Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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