so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
