You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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