We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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