tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
