I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
