Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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