I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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