I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
