Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
