when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
