You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize