Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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