He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
