it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
