You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
