New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
