I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's shark week go big or go home
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize