I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
