my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize