Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
