Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
