Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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