did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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