Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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