Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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