My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
