my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
