ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize