Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
