he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
