i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
