I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
