She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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