she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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