Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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