Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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