i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
