exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
