Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
