sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
