He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
People in love make me want to vomit
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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