I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
