I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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