Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
