I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You're like the curious george of whores
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
