I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize