I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
