Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
