lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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