Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
