Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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