don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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