Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
