I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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