So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
