Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
