I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
