im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
