Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
