Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The adults are the big ones right?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
