I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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