We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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