So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
