I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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