So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize