Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
it's like heaven, but drunker
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
