She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
