a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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