a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
