happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
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