are you still at the devil's house?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
