Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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