Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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