Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
