I think im going to throw up on grandma
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
