he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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