If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
