I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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