you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
